


Withholding

by ShortInsomniac



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Character Study, HIV/AIDS, Hospitals, but for the most part its just whizzer and trina, i just wanted them to be friends or at least get along, the others are mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 12:24:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14520501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShortInsomniac/pseuds/ShortInsomniac
Summary: Whizzer's thought process during his time when he was in the hospital.Also, Trina and Whizzer bonding over Trina painting his nails.





	Withholding

**Author's Note:**

> I need more content of these two getting along.

     It had already been a pretty terrible morning for Whizzer, his health was just one of the few reasons why today so far had been nothing but a disaster. Although it wasn't the only reason as to why he was feeling so awful; no today was the first day in a while that he had to spend most of the day alone. Marvin had to go to work today and couldn't spend all day laying in the small hospital bed with him. He wasn't the only one busy; Jason was sick with a cold and had to stay home with Mendel keeping an eye on him, his favorite lesbians were also both busy which was to be expected with Charlotte being a doctor and Cordelia cooking her ass off. Which meant today would be very uneventful with the everyday routine that took place in his room. The only real  _ “entertainment” _ he got was the small comments from the nurses that were never very kind. Whizzer tried his best not to pay too much attention to it, but that was getting a little harder every day as his self-consciousness started to die piece by piece. He didn't show it but he was falling into a well of fear, self-hatred and blame; it was expected but he still didn't wanna burden his small family with his emotions so he kept them to himself. He needed to show that he was still himself, that whatever was wrong with him wasn't taking away the Whizzer they all loved so much. However, one man can only take on so much alone and Whizzer was beginning to have a hard time keeping his feelings down. 

 

     Whizzer laid in his bed his eyes glued to the ceiling, every so often looking at the nurse who would come in to check on his IV and other needs. Though once she was gone his gaze went right back to the ceiling; his brain was just running on autopilot and he couldn't help but start really thinking. What was gonna happen to Marvin when he eventually passed away? Whizzer was no idiot; he knew that this illness was eventually gonna kill him. He was aware that the doctors didn't know how to fix him and he was most likely gonna die sick and afraid. Not only that, his lover and family were gonna watch him wither away and he could do nothing about it. The thought alone made him feel even more queasy than before. His jaw clenched as he began to hold in tears; he truly was scared, he wasn't ready to die just yet. He still had so much to do and see; Marvin and him had just started their lives together again. He didn't wanna lose that; he wasn't ready to lose all of that. 

 

     His eyes dropped from the ceiling as he looked down at his arms, he looked so thin and weak and he hated it. He hated this whole thing. He hated being alone and sick and dying without a say in the matter. It was unfair; he felt like he was being robbed of everything he was holding dear for no goddamn reason. It was cruel and he knew it. Whizzer wanted to cry, to scream and shout. He wanted to cause a fuss and tell God  _ "fuck you" _ for putting him and his family through all of this. He was angry and he had every right to be, the world was unfair and Whizzer was experiencing that first-hand. Which in turn caused him to become even angrier as he continued to think. His thoughts only being snapped away when he felt tears hit his arms. Whizzer blinked in surprise as he didn't even notice he was crying; he was so focused on his downward spiral that it totally escaped his mind that he could even cry. A sad laugh escaped his lips as he realized how pathetic he must have looked; a dying man gripping his sheets crying in a hospital bed. 

 

**Pathetic?**

   Yes he felt absolutely pathetic, and he didn't know how to get himself out of feeling this way. 

So he cried. He cried until he was shaking and his jaw hurt from holding it shut. He has finally allowing himself to let go until he heard someone knock on the door causing him to jump. 

 

    “Mr. Brown, a visitor is here to see you? A woman named Trina?”  The nurse called from behind the door, Whizzer let out a shaky sob before wiping his face with his robe sleeve in an attempt to cover up the fact that he was just sobbing like a child. He took a second before clearing his throat and calling back out to her. 

  “Thank You, Let her in please.”

The nurse soon left and moments later Trina opened the door and stepped into the room carrying a small vase with a flower in it. She smiled and walked over to the man setting the vase on the table beside his bed. 

  “Sorry to be a bother but I figured you would want some company while Marvin was at work.”

She said a nervous smile plastered on her face. Whizzer returned the smile and nodded in response; “Thank you, Trina, I appreciate that” 

 

  Trina grabbed the nearby hospital chair and pulled it up beside the bed, taking a seat once it was close enough. Her and Whizzer always had a rocky relationship with him being the man her ex-husband left her for; however, the woman had started to put that all behind her as time went by. Maybe it was because she had remarried and was happier or it was due to Whizzer falling ill and Trina feeling guilty for holding onto a grudge. Whatever her reasoning she tried to be supportive as he could be for the man beside her. Though that didn't make their conversations alone any less… awkward? 

 

   Silence hung heavy in the room as the two didn't know what to really say to each other; Whizzer opened his mouth to start some simple small talk but found he was too drained from earlier to even think up a question to ask. It seemed like they were just gonna stay in silence until Trina spoke up;

  “Jason is feeling a lot better today, he should be good and back to his old self really soon.” Whizzer nodded in response as she continued to speak; “He was really excited about visiting you again; he wanted to show you his new chess strategy he just learned and some photos from his little league team”

  Whizzer chuckled for a brief moment before responding; “Well then I'll look forward to losing another game of chess then.” That comment got a laugh out of Trina as she nodded along in agreement, It wasn't hard for Jason to beat most people in a game of chess and everyone knew it. The laughter soon died as Trina looked over at Whizzer, her gaze now starting to study his face. He looked tired, more so than usual and she could tell he had been crying right before she came in; his eyes still red and puffy from the tears. She didn't like seeing him like this, it only added to the helplessness she felt towards the man her son and ex-lover loved so much. She struggled to find words of comfort without making the other feel bad himself; she knew he didn't want pity but she needed to do something. Her gaze glanced down at her hands, specifically her nails which had a lovely red coat of nail polish on them. She had done them herself yesterday in an attempt to distract herself; it worked and now she had a pretty nail job to show for it. Her gaze soon then turned from her own hands to Whizzer’s, she stared at them for a moment before an idea popped into her head. A soft smile now appeared on her face as she began to open her purse. Whizzer looked over in confusion as the woman began rummaging through her belongings.

  “Whizzer do me a favor and give me your hands for a moment,” She said as she continued to look in her purse. The comment only added to Whizzer’s confusion as he opened his mouth to question her but shut himself down as he saw the woman pull out a vile of pink nail polish from her purse. 

  “You can't be serious.” He said raising an eyebrow.

Trina beamed as she began to open up the tiny bottle, “Oh I am, now hush and hand me those nails. Imagine you're at a spa getaway for just a second and let me have some fun.” 

   Whizzer rolled his eyes a little but gave in holding out one of his hands towards the other as Trina in response took it gently and began painting carefully. This wasn't the first time Whizzer had his nails painted before, Cordelia used to do it once and awhile as they drank wine and gossiped like teenage girls. Though that in hindsight felt like forever ago so Whizzer had forgotten how it felt to get your nails done. Whizzer watched as Trina painted a more comforting silence now filling the room.

   “By the way,” Trina began; breaking the silence again. “I know it's not my place to say as we haven't always been on the best of terms, but if you need someone to talk to. I'm willing to listen, I know it's not much but I just wanted to make sure you knew you don't have to go do this alone” she commented as she continued to paint, her hands staying steady to make sure she didn't make a mistake. Whizzer smiled dropped as his eyes looked away from the woman as she finished one hand and gently took the other to began the same process. Deep down he had longed to admit that wasn't doing okay. He was sure everyone knew it, but he wanted to say it out loud for once. He wanted to finally let go of this happy facade he was putting up for everyone's sake and truly show that he was scared, but he couldn't. He couldn't do that to them; he needed to keep the mood up as best as he could to make sure his last moments on earth were remembered fondly. It was the least he could do for the ones he cared for; it wasn't fair to them if he took those happy moments away from them all. 

   Silence fell over the two again as Trina continued on, a few minutes passed and she had finished her work. Letting go of the man's hand and screwing the lid back onto the small pink bottle. Whizzer admired them for a moment before thanking her with as much of a smile as he could muster. Trina smiled back and for a moment all seemed calm; Whizzer kept his attention on his newly painted nails as the waited for them to dry. The smell of nail polish hanging heavy in the room; he had to admit pink did look good on him and the small splash of color in the small white hospital room helped ease his nerves. 

   Time began to pass as the two began to slowly start up conversations here and there with long stretches of silence in between; it wasn't much but they were trying and that's all they could really ask of each other. Although as they continued to talk, Whizzer couldn't help but start to think again. It didn't occur to him at first but it was slowly dawning on him that he was going to be leaving a bigger hole in this family then he first thought. He figured that Trina was always just pitying him because she had to, but he was turning out to be wrong she had come all this way to keep him company and he was being selfish in the fact that he didn't even think about how all of this was affecting her. That seemed to be a trend which Whizzer wasn't too happy about; he wanted to apologize again for causing such a mess in the first place. For tearing up this woman's life once and now all over again for a second time; but the words were caught in his throat as he clenched his jaw to keep the tears that were starting to form in the back of his throat from slipping out. Trina took notice of this as she sat and watched Whizzer tense and avoid looking at her in the eyes. Her face had fallen as she watched the man in front of her try his best to contain his emotions almost as if he was ashamed of them in the first place. She couldn't stand it; she was so used to seeing the proud and confident Whizzer that they all knew so well that seeing him this hurt and wounded almost killed her. So she did what she never thought she would do a very long time ago; she reached out and pulled Whizzer into a tight hug. Her hand gently resting on his head and she held him. 

 

   “Its okay Whizzer, you don't have to pretend anymore.” She consoled quietly, her hand gently rubbing his back; and with that Whizzer couldn't keep it in anymore and for the first time in a while, Whizzer let go hugging Trina back and beginning crying into her shoulder.


End file.
